What We Wanted

We spiffied up the split-level and put it on the market last Tuesday.  We had five hectic days of showings, which went a little something like this:

“Cian, get that air freshener OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!”

“Quinn, get off the couch. That one, too. I said, get off the couch. Just…QUINN. Just sit on rug, right there in the middle. Now, don’t move.”

“Girls, get your shoes on. Yes, just stand on the mat by the door while I finish mopping. Yes, you can sit, as long as you stay by the mat. Yes, your shoes have to stay on it, too. Yes, both of them. Because I said so.”

“Cian’s just going to have to sleep in the car. Again. I know, I know, he’s cranky.”

“Cian, get that vacuum cord OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!”

“No, we can’t go to the library, because Luca is with us and we can’t leave him in the car. No, we can’t go to a restaurant, either. No, we can’t go to Starbucks. Because the dog. The dog. I know, it’s not fun, but he has to come, too…No, we can’t go to Toys ‘R’ Us.”

“Will somebody get the dog to stop drooling on the cup holder?”

“NO, don’t use that towel, use this one. You can’t use that bathroom. I just wiped it down. Use the other one. Wait. Carry that tissue with you downstairs, because I just emptied the trash can and need it to look clean. And please, no…Quinn, next time don’t wipe your hand on the wall.”

“Cian, not the Windex. Get the Windex OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!”

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After these five days, of one to three showings per day, of scrubbing and mopping and straightening and hiding and setting out plates of cookies or a dish of chocolates, we got an offer, just as we were about to pick Saoirse up from a birthday party. This is amazing. This is huge.  This is as fast as we dared to hope:

“Good job, Ferguson. You did it.”  “It wasn’t me. I think it was the chocolates.”

“Holy crap. Can we get them to waive the inspection?”

“Mommy? Are we moving? When do we move? Can I change out of my leotard?”

“Here, hand me that dish. I need some of those chocolates.”

“Shit. We have ten days to buy a house.”

“You want some of this chocolate? There’s a little left.”

“Mommy? Daddy can always use a closet as his office. Can we move now?”

“Chocolate’s gone. Oh, hey! I found that last bottle of wine.”

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And with the pressure on, we’ve just started looking for another house:

“Well, it’s not as bad as I thought.”

“Did we get taller? Or did just really short people build this kitchen?”

“Oh my gosh, look at those archways! Oh, David, this could be my writing spot! The office for you has a door–it’s soundproof! OH! Look at that FAMILY ROOM!…I’m sorry, the back of the house faces a what? Oh, okay. A car dealership. Maybe the parking lot lights wouldn’t be that bright.”

“David. There’s a ninety-degree drop-off at the back of the driveway. We would die.”

“Should we drive by it at night? To see how bad the lights from the dealership really are?”

“Do you really need an office? Look at the size of that bathtub!”

“Look at the size of that closet!

“LOOK AT THE GARAGE!!”

“The dealership lights are pretty bad, aren’t they?”  “It’s like that scene from Christmas Vacation when Clark turns on the Christmas lights and blinds the couple in the next house.”  “Damn it.”

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Our house is inspected Friday. We have one week from today to find a new home. It’s time to go.

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Here’s hoping somebody else left out the chocolates.

3 thoughts on “What We Wanted

  1. Brought me back to the long weekend we had to find a house in Syracuse, Ny. Left the 5 year old and 3 year old (with chick pox) with Grandma, and drove 6 hours with my husband and the month old baby (yes, it was delightful) and looked at SO many houses that we didn’t want. Finally, last day drove by a “For Sale By Owner” that we loved. 24 years later, we are now empty nesters and still here. Wow, Enjoy the ride!

  2. One week??? OMG, you are on one mother of a roller coaster ride! Good luck. *pours you a REALLY hefty glass of wine*

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