It was a great evening. I was feeling slightly more on top of life than usual, and the four of us were sitting down to a relaxed dinner that involved things sauteed, and jicama, which makes me giddy because it’s like a potato but totally not because it’s pronounced differently than it’s spelled, which makes it cool, and fancy cheese. I’d made pie, even. I MADE PIE. Just for kicks. ON A WEDNESDAY. I was exhausted, and I had yet to shower, but I was happy. We all were.
David and I were laughing about something–I don’t remember what it was, but trust me, it was fun-ee. And then one of us mentioned my dad, offhand, in one of those “That’s totally something your dad would have done!” ways. And then, it just blurted out of my mouth.
“Oh. I miss my dad.”
SK doesn’t miss a thing.
“Mom? Why do you miss your dad?”
Slight pause. I was thinking.
“Because I can’t see him.”
“Why can’t you see him?”
Absolute silence from me and David. Lots of frantic thinking.
“He doesn’t live here on earth, sweetie. So I can’t see him.”
(We’ve talked about her two grandfathers living in heaven, so bear with me.)
“Oh, it’s okay. You will see him.”
“Yes. Don’t worry. He will come here after work.”
I couldn’t talk. I swear, it was the first time in my life I absolutely could not utter a word. I looked at David. Tears were in his eyes. I tried not to cry. Saoirse sat, looking at both of us, back and forth between our faces for a moment, clearly trying to figure out what had just happened. Then she turned to her father.
“Dad? You will stay here with us all the time.”
“Okay, Saoirse,” he replied. “I will.”
So, we’re on our way tomorrow to the funeral of my mom’…